I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
