You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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