she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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