It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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