Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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