just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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