My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
