i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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