I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
