a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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