God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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