I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize