can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
