K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
