So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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