He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
