I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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