Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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