Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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