And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
