wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
