my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
