the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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