I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
