im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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