i permit you to call me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize