I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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