drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
