i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
