y did u give ur computer a hand job?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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