Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
