Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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