my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
