Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
