Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
