Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
