i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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