is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize