Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize