You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
