I am full of burrito and curiosity
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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