And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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