one might say we're banned from that church
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
