i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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