I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
