Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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