Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
