I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
