Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
