I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your penis caused this!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
