...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
