I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
