I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
