dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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