my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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