Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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