It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
