What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
