So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
