i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
