I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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