Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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