This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
