Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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