Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
